Friday, April 8, 2016

a humble cry

I think that Evan likes to go out of town when decisions need to be made because he knows that I don't sleep and therefore I'll get S done. Usually the S that I get done is in terms of putting paint on things. The past three trips he's taken I have: painted our bedroom, painted our livingroom AND (bonus) drew gold triangles on one of the walls, and painted our piano. I'm sure he comes home now half-expecting, half-dreading the mess I've made and failed to clean up and sure, he pretends to look surprised ("Oh! Wow! You painted something? I would have never guessed!") and he pretends to look pleased.

But this time, I'm not painting anything. That's a promise and not a lie so hopefully he's not disappointed that I didn't repaint our kitchen cabinets or begin to demo this obnoxious thing attached to a wall in our family room. Even though I thought about it.

This time I've got lots of praying to do. I've got home study paperwork for DAYZ. I didn't even know what a home study was and then I started doing it and I'm answering questions about every single thing you could possibly ever think of. And the forms I have to print off and write on and get notarized and the people I have to ask to be references for us and the list goes on and on AND ON and I'm here and I'm doing it.

But really, what I really need tonight, this weekend, is major prayer warriors. We sent off our application last week and then some things happened. I had about ten panic attacks in the course of two-days and then I wrote in my devos: "Larissa Jane, move aside and let the Lord of Lords move mountains. Let his miracles abound and stun and shake the ground." And then I wrote, "Help my unbelief." I can't go into everything right now but I wrote that and the very next day (which is today, April 8) something happened. I'm the type of person who needs results immediately or I'm out. This trait of mine is going to be very problematic in this waiting season.

But back to the prayers. Evan and I have some very intense, crazy, amazing, wild decisions to make in the next few weeks. Don't ask me, because I'm not ready to tell the world yet. We'll tell everything or we won't, but this is part of our story and it's messy and crazy and beautiful and it's just the beginning. But anyway. I also get sidetracked easily. I'm working on it. These decisions. I'm the worst at making decisions. Have you seen that (I think it's a .gif?) from The Notebook where what's his face is saying to Rachel McAdam's, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" He's actually screaming it at her and she can't decide. Evan sends me that weekly because that is our life. I can't make decisions to save my life. I mean, I could. But I also can't. So, please just pray that I could make a decision. And that Evan and I would come to the same decision without speaking to each other about it. I've always wanted that to happen to us. And for basic guidance and patience. Pray that we wouldn't rush into anything without prayerful, prayerful consideration. And also, pray for our finances. We could very possibly find ourselves in a situation where almost $20,000 of fees is due in a one-month-period.

Adoption is pretty vague unless you're the people in it. And even then I'm like, "What's happening?" I'm pretty okay to just roll with it but in this moment, in this right now, we need your prayers and your support and encouragement. So maybe, maybe you have a favorite verse or quote or piece of encouragement you want to bestow on us (leave it in the comments? E-mail us []? THANK YOU.) or maybe you have five quick seconds to lift us up in prayer. THANK YOU. Oh my gosh, we love when people tell us, "We've been praying for you!" Our hearts melt and I almost cry every single time because we know that people are praying for us when things like these 4025 things happen.

That's it. So vague. More to come, I promise.

[a cute picture of our little love, just because]